Quotes arranged in chronilogical order begining with the first session.

January 24, 2004

“Do the Night Dragon clan code for “suck bananas quickly!”
-Dust Raven

“The evil ravens of death were his fault… I promise it won’t happen again.”
-Touchstone

“She did it! She actually did it! She just blocked a bite attack from a ninja snake!”
-Dust Raven

“That sucks! I was so looking forward to biting someone in half.”
-Dust Raven

“Hith… Hith…”
-Ninja snake (after Blackbird grabbed it by the fangs)

“I would call screaming as though someone just grabbed you by the nuts an adequate soliloquy.”
-Dust Raven

Ninja: “You Kagemura scum!”
Touchstone: “That’s funny, Whisper always calls me ’round-eye.’”

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February 7, 2004

“I’m going to teleport into the elevator and… do something. Probably die.”
-Touchstone

“You just found the most efficient way to disarm a ninja…”
-Dust Raven
“Yeah, cut off the arms he uses his weapons with!”
-Shane

“Chameleon theory: Close your eyes and they can’t see you.”
-Elaine

“I think Blackbird would use this ninja as a club. However, the ninja is considered an unwieldy object.”
-Dust Raven

“Try not to get too much blood on the floor, Whisper… and I am not cleaning this up!”
-Touchstone

“Superman doesn’t bite people!”
-Dust Raven
“This isn’t Superman…”
-Shane

“This would be a lot easier if I had plasma missiles.”
-VICE

“He blew up your couch! Kill him!”
-Touchstone

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March 6, 2004

Blackbird: “Teleport!”
Touchstone: “What… and leave my HEAD behind!?”

“He’s about seven feet tall, six feet wide, all muscle and all ugly.”
-Dust Raven

“I’ going to jump on his shoulders and kick him in the head.”
-Blackbird
“She’s been watching too many Bruce Lee movies.”
-Dust Raven
“She’s been watching me in the gym too often!”
-Whispering Death

“Meet Blackbird, our new van-opener.”
-Shane

“I rolled an 8, does that hit?”
-Christine
“I don’t know. What’s the DCV of 83°?”
-Dust Raven

“I will use his body to redefine Webster’s definition of ‘pain.’”
-Whispering Death

“Do you know where they went?”
-Whispering Death
(Out of game) “Nope… I didn’t see anything.”
-Chon Soung (Whisper’s blind son)

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March 20, 2004

“There’s an answer to all this… C4, plastique… or Blackbird.”
-Whispering Death

“I didn’t know you could write with your feet, Shane.”
-Dust Raven

“Go in there and calm her mind down, before she breaks my head!”
-Touchstone (to Hummingbird, regarding Blackbird)

Empire Burger Drive-Thru Operator: “Sorry, we don’t take walk-ups.”
Blackbird: “I’m not walking…I’m FLYING!”

“I’m a weaponsmith. How many normal office buildings do I go into?”
-Whispering Death

“If you hold nice & still, I’ll shoot you three times in a row.”
-Touchstone

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March 27, 2004

“When we get back to base, can I create an Image using a lot of points?”
-Whispering Death

“Guess I’ll just use the phone, like a normal superhero.”
-Touchstone

“No guts, no sucking chest wounds.”
-Dust Raven

Whispering Death: “Hey, Zephrem. Have any methods for extracting information from the dead?”
Zephrem: “How dead?”

“I don’t need mental help!”
-Whispering Death to Hummingbird

“His cell phone just clocked him in the dead and knocked him over his car… how would you feel?”
-Dust Raven

Blackbird: “Do I look like a ninja?”
Bodyjack: “You’re certainly louder!”

“I respect his sorry, morbid, blood-drinking ass. He damn well better respect me!”
-Touchstone

“Never mind. I’m omnipotent. He’s right.”
-Dust Raven

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April 17, 2004

“I’ll huff and I’ll puff and I’ll blow your mind in!”
-Dust Raven

“The mind you are calling does not accept blocked calls.”
-Dust Raven

“Blackbird’s mind is just so dense!”
-Dust Raven

“I’m about to collapse the cave so someone take their f***ing turn!”
-Jared

“Zephrem likes me. I feed him people.”
-Whispering Death

“I think that your sister is just too blonde and talks on the phone too much.”
-Whispering Death

“See no ninja… hear no ninja… think no ninja…”
-Dust Raven

“Suck mind, bitch!”
-Brainstorm

“Some kids have imaginary friends. Some kids aren’t so lucky.”
-Dust Raven

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May 1, 2004

“Calling all units… Calling all units… This is the Big W, talking to you live from the Watchtower…”
-Whispering Death, upon the acquisition of his very first radio (finally!)

“The day is sunny. Unfortunately, by the time the glorious Japanese sun deigns to grace your pitiful American soil with its presence, it has grown weary, and smites you with its heat…”
-Dust Raven’s impersonation of an arrogant Japanese weatherman

“Why ruin a perfectly good helicopter?”
-Hummingbird

“We can find out who’s in the bank after we kill them.”
-Whispering Death

“I’m unconscious in a crater! Stop bugging me!”
-Blackbird

“Forget that… I want to grab his head!”
-Whispering Death
“Doesn’t work that way. His head’s not a focus.”
-Dust Raven

“What makes you think I’m flying like this?” (Typical fist-forward Superman flight pose)
-Blackbird
“Because you’re a SUPERHERO!!!” (Flamboyant gesture)
-Dust Raven
(One-fingered gesture of obscenity)
-Blackbird

“There’s a helicopter about to land on you!”
-Shootingstar
“We know that. We can deal with it. We handle stuff like this all the time.”
-Whispering Death

“I don’t have to touch him… I have spells for that!”
-Whispering Death

“They’re unconscious!”
-Blackbird
“They aren’t gonna stay that way…”
-Dust Raven
“…yes they are!”
-Hummingbird

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May 8, 2004

I regret to inform you that despite assigning someone to write down all the clever quotes from this game session, and despite said person handing those quotes to me after the game, and, also, despite the fact I place those quotes next to the computer so that I may post them here, something dreadful has happened.

Maybe someday they’ll be found. I might take a while. All I know for sure is that they are someplace near the computer, and might even be on the desk. Hell, they might have slipped under the keyboard and that’s why I can’t find them.

Nope, guess not. Maybe under the pile of soda cans… My, that’s a lot of cans. Who drinks this much soda? Me, right. Well, like I said, this may take a while. I just grab a soda and start digging.

Wish me luck!

-Dust Raven

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June 5, 2004

“May I have a straw, please?”
-Whispering Death

“You’d have to drink through your finger, like Mork.”
-Shane

“He’s going to beat you up because he wants a job.”
-Dust Raven

“He kills three of the MPs single-handed… my truck was damaged!”
-Blackbird

Shane: “I need to have a conversation with god. Jesus Cripes, will you answer me?”
Dust Raven: “Oh, go to Heck!”

“He’s not smart! He’s American!”
-Whispering Death

“He’s not smart enough to fall for that trick.”
-Dust Raven

“I tell the person who’s driving the tree…”
-Touchstone

“How much running does a tree have?”
-Trystan Laryssa

“Sorry, I don’t eat bullets… I eat shit.”
-Red Rose

“We’ll be nice, you’re blown off the map.”
-Dust Raven

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July 3, 2004

“You just ate a dead thing! Spit that out or it’ll make you sick!”
-Touchstone

“Don’t you have a, Fist of the… something-or-other?”
-Dust Raven

Whispering Death: “We need some negative energy over here!.”
Darkstar: “Just stripped the girl… be right there.”

Zephrem: “Bring it to the nexus, we need to exorcise it.”
Darkstar: “We’re in the gym… it can exercise right here.”

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July 18, 2004

“I would jump onto its back and stick my blade through its blackened heart!”
-Whispering Death

“No, I hadn’t noticed a style change… He’s still the same old Death Ninja to me.”
-Trystan Laryssa

“As long as the great big ball of suck isn’t out, I’ll be fine.”
-Darkstar (referring to the Sun)

“What other kind of bizarre disturbance are we expecting today?”
-Touchstone

“You told me he’s not hostile. You didn’t tell me he’s not a threat.”
-Whispering Death

“No, I’m not overly precautious, I’m paranoid. There’s a difference.”
-Whispering Death

“I don’t have honor. I win!”
-Whispering Death

“By the way, that was Pulsar. We’ve beat him up before.”
-Whispering Death

“Everybody’s beat him up before!”
-Touchstone

“You already taught me not to sleep. Now you’re going to teach me not to study? Wow… I’ll be ready to go back to college in no time!”
-Touchstone

“It hasn’t left my underwear… I swear!”
-Paradox

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August 14, 2004

“No, no… he doesn’t want plasma missile any more. He wants nukes!
-Whispering Death

Red Rose: “Touch my plants and you’re a dead man!”
Whispering Death: “Yeah, yeah. I’ve heard that before…”

“Give up. Now. Or you will hurt.”
-Paradox

“Now he’s stuck in the roof… and he doesn’t look very happy about it.”
-Dust Raven

“Oh, I think I’ll smash him one more time… I’m having fun!”
-Hummingbird

Whispering Death: “The next time I catch you in my city, you little dime-store Doctor Doom, you won’t survive!”
Pulsar: “Come over here and say that you video game reject!”

“I’ll get you, you stupid heroes! And you little ninja-boy too!”
-Pulsar

“Rose is a swinger… she’s just gonna vine around town.”
-Andrea

Dust Raven: “So, is everybody going to patrol as a group then?
Shane: “No!”

“Naturally you’re naive… you’re a plant.”
-Whispering Death

“Well, if they’re weak-minded, they deserve to be in trouble.”
-Hummingbird

“Stop. Or give up.”
-Paradox (yes, he said “or”)

Red Rose: “He’s ridden all the women in the team!”
Touchstone: “I told you I wasn’t gay…”

“I’m going to pick him up and drop him. He’s my new turtle!”
-Falcon

“Coward! Nobody runs from Pulsar!”
-Pulsar

“I’m not trying to kill him. I’m trying to beat him into a coma.”
-Falcon

Falcon: “He doesn’t die by my hand.”
Whispering Death: “No, he dies by mine. Drop him. I’ll catch.”

“He has a code against cops.”
-Dust Raven

“You can throw him or squeeze him… you can even call him ‘George!’”
-Dust Raven

“I patched him up so he wouldn’t bleed all over the city.”
-Whispering Death

“Oh great! Just what we need… more dead things in our base!”
-Falcon

“Are you telling me I’ve killed the wrong Pulsar?”
-Whispering Death

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September 4, 2004

“There were two twerps at the bank; are you talking about the tall one or the short one?”
-Whispering Death

“I’m killing my inner demons! Do you mind?”
-Dust Raven

“Are you talking to me, you glowing booger?”
-Paradox (to Pulsar)

“Pulsar has EGO 11 on this sheet, but he also has, like, EGO +30 ‘Only To Gloat.’”
-Dust Raven

“Welcome! Fifth floor: pain and agony.”
-Dan

“I’m going to perform my Spinning, Flying Back-Kick of Doom!”
-Whispering Death

“No, the last time you tried a binding, it came alive and attacked us.”
-Hummingbird

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September 18, 2004

“Quote! I’m killing a guy here!”
-Whispering Death

“How are you going to kill a dead guy?”
-Hummingbird

“We’re in the dead plane… we can do that.”
-Whispering Death

“It’s a Japanese bell… they’re Japanese demons… so they’re Japanese bleeding.”
-Dust Raven

“Please believe me. I did not mean to skewer you.”
-Whispering Death

“Sex is an art in the Orient… just like death.”
-Whispering Death

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October 2, 2004

Prior to this session, the character Paradox was rewritten. During this process his name was changed to Avatar. Though this name change affects the game retroactively, it doesn’t really make any difference. You see, I introduced a completely different character named Avatar in season two and by then Paradox’s player had left the game. So if you see a quote by Avatar, know it’s not really Paradox and actually is Avatar, and all of Avatar’s quotes in season one are really by Paradox and should say so. If you are confused by this, please read some of Paradox’s quotes, drink a bottle of NyQuil and call it a night.

“He’s not a paradox, he’s only one.”
-Alec

“At this point, I want to do one of three things: get across the lake, hit the monster, or dissect the monster.”
-Paradox

“You might not have to dissect it! If it swallows you, you can just study it from the inside.”
-Whispering Death

“Never give the GM more dice!”
-Anonymous (for some reason, no one would claim it)

“These are DEMON agents, not VIPER agents!”
-Dust Raven (after botching a roll)

“No, that guy’s not screaming yet; he’s still recovering from being stunned.”
-Dust Raven

“Wheee!”
-Red Rose

“They really don’t seem to have any kind of brotherhood thing going on…”
-Hummingbird

“He’s the Bird-man of Arcadia!”
-Touchstone

“It’s interesting that RC writes such good bitches.”
-Andrea

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October 16, 2004

“How do you fool a tree?”
-Whispering Death

“One person is much easier to fool that a whole bunch of trees…”
-Touchstone

“I ask the whole forest where the lady is.”
-Red Rose

“Yeah, branch out…”
-Hummingbird

“Leaf no stone unturned.”
-Falcon

“So you guys are trying to get to the root of the problem?”
-Dust Raven

“You’re probably barking up the wrong tree…”
-Dust Raven

Red Rose: “I’m a good guy!.”
Hummingbird: “I thought she was a good woman.”
Whispering Death: “I thought she was a plant.”

“Just because you’ve ridden on all the women on this team doesn’t mean I’m next.”
-Falcon

“Pretty please… with roses on top?”
-Red Rose

“She might be coming up your hole right now, and you wouldn’t even know it!”
-Dust Raven

“Okay, so you get a plus one die roll surprise… OCV bonus… thingy…”
-Dust Raven

Nynus: “Are you Atocia, Morbane of DEMON?”
Falcon: “Uh… sure…”

“You test my patience, elemental!”
-Nynus (to Red Rose)

“She tests everybody’s…”
-Hummingbird

“I am Atocia of DEMON, the Morbane who has summoned you!”
-Atocia

“Oops… there goes your soul.”
-Hummingbird

“Push me into a hole, I’ll be fine.”
-Whispering Death

“Someone chop her head off… she’s getting annoying.”
-Hummingbird

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November 13, 2004

“I’m not fishing… I’m just innocently dangling a worm on a hook from a string in the water and pulling it back up when it gets caught.”
-Dust Raven

“Incorporeal Entity! Report to communications deck!”
-VICE

“He’s a pillar of the community; therefore he’s hiding something.”
-Touchstone

Dust Raven: “And how are you going to convince him of this?”
Whispering Death: “Easy. I’m taking Hummingbird with me.”

Touchstone: “He’s a Morbane!”
Whispering Death: “Yeah, but in death he might have had an epiphany and now works for the betterment of all mankind.”
Touchstone: Hysterical laughter.

Dust Raven: “Tengu can fly.”
Marianne: “So can a plane.”
Dust Raven: “Yes, but Tengu can continue flying after the plane is broken.”

“We’re not sacrificing anybody! We’re killing people.”
-Whispering Death

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November 27, 2004

“I’m not sure if this was the day you picked to die, but if so, we’ll be happy to oblige.”
-Whispering Death

“Hummingbird grows very frustrated because she doubts that she can Ego-Blast a couch.”
-Dust Raven

“Don’t land on that table… it kicks!”
-Touchstone

Touchstone: “I’ve never met an inanimate object that hated me this much!”
Whispering Death: “It doesn’t hate people… it’s just hungry.”

Paradox: “I’m going to grab the minion and throw him at the wizard.”
Dust Raven: “There’s a ninja in the way.”
Shade: “But it’s a possessed ninja, so that might be a good thing.”

Demon Minion : “Oh boy, all these people are picking on Master… whatever is a minion to do?”
Paradox: “Jump on the dagger?”

Dust Raven: “Sofa’s can’t jump very far.”
Richard: “Tell me about it!”

Whispering Death: “What is it with you having me attack teammates lately?
Dust Raven: “What is it with you picking up cursed items lately?”
Hummingbird: “And why am always the one that has to fix him?”

“I’ll hold my action for if-it-doesn’t-appear-to-be-working-I’ll-shoot-him.”
-Touchstone

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December 11, 2004

“I start gesturing frantically.”
-Whispering Death

“You could sound a bit less disappointed that they aren’t going to be turned into meat soup.”
-Paradox

Dust Raven: “The other way would be to get a whole bunch of people together who worship you like a god.”
Shade: “That’s going to take some time.”

“It looks like Cyclops is a jack-o-lantern.”
-Shane (when he sees this image)

“If you turn invisible I’m killing you right here and now!”
-Sabre

“One of these days someone has got to run up and tickle the enemy…”
-Aminta

“Sabre… Rapture… do as I say because I’m tall and good-looking!”
-Zephrem (possessing the body of Mindfyre)

“Wait… I’m a brick. Why are you still breathing?”
-Paradox

It’s a war museum… we have wars there…”
-Dust Raven

Touchstone: “Rapture! Go make the ghost feel good!”
Rapture: “Eww! …okay!”

“Stop it! Don’t make me ghost at you.”
-Zephrem

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December 26, 2004

“Uzis are a problem?”
-Whispering Death

“No… ZOMBIES with Uzis are a problem!”
-Touchstone

“Crouching Ninja – Oblivious Zombies”
-Shane & Dust Raven

“I’m casting… um… uh ah ack phbbbt POP”
-Whispering Death

“I’m not familiar with that spell…”
-Dust Raven

“Clatters are fine… gunshots are not.”
-Whispering Death

“If people don’t know you can dodge bullets, they will keep shooting at you… as opposed to launching grenades and rockets.”
-Dust Raven

“Chinese Foot Leads to Space-Drive Breakthrough!”
-Possible tabloid headline

“Grab them and make them go ‘ba-da-d-d-d-d-d ba-da-d-d-d-d-da… puh!’”
-Shane

“Do you have any idea how hard it is to get corpse out of a suit?”
-Dust Raven

“They’re dummer than a bucket of hair!”
-Shade

“Anybody wanna wreck a spell using Uzis?”
-Vagabond

“I come in peace – you go in pieces…”
-Dust Raven

“It’s Paradox: the Human Potato-Masher!”
-Touchstone

“The Lords of Light are displeased with that ridiculous costume you’re wearing…”
-Dust Raven

“You know who Atocia is…you’ve killed her before.”
-Whispering Death

“Bad Uzi! Bad! No nightscope!”
-Dust Raven

“Oh, she has a movement of… able-to-get-to-you.”
-Dust Raven

“I’ve got a die…”
-Aminta

“Go ahead, piss me off. I’m gonna be a god in a few seconds!”
-Zephrem

“Dead people see you.”
-Dust Raven

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