A song parody to the comedy skit of “Tae Kwon Leap ” by The Frantics
Steven S. Long: Come, buyers, and gather around the new convention booth, to see our fine assortment of HERO games products. Let us peruse the selection now.
FREd Gruberman: Oo! Mr. Long! Mr. Long!
SSL: Who disturbs my customers, as a fanboy disturbs Mark Hamill?
FG: Ah… me! Fred! Fred Gruberman!
SSL: … FREd Gruberman?
FG: Close enough! No disrespect intended but ah… how sturdy is this booth here?
SSL: … sturdy? The new booth is not merely a tool which we use to distribute our products, but a beckoning doorway for new players to join us in our appreciation of HERO games.
FG: SO, what? DEF 2? Maybe?
SSL: No, no, we do not measure ideas such as the power of knowledge contained in the booth with DEF. FREd Gruberman, you must learn to reason from effect.
FG: Right, right, reason from effect! How many points does that cost?
SSL: FREd Gruberman, Reason from Effect is the core principal upon which HERO games are based. Let us consult the index for further enlightenment on this topic. *pages turn*
FG: AN INDEX?! I wanna hit people with the book right now!
SSL: FREd Gruberman, Tae Con Show is a path which is to be used to educate others, such as yourself – never to simply win an argument through brute application of the rules, but to know the nuances of the text and all the endless possibilities it contains. Let us consult the index once more.
FG: Listen, Steve, are we gonna start forcing people to buy this book, or am I gonna have to show you how to really sell the material?
SSL: FREd Gruberman, you fail to grasp the principles of Tae Con Show. Approach, that you may see. Observe closely, fellow Herophiles.
FG: Alright! Finally, some results!
SSL: Booth To The Head *crunch*
FG: OOOOWWW! YOU BOOTHED ME IN THE HEAD!
SSL: You should count yourself lucky, FREd Gruberman. Few learn so much about HERO in a single day.
FG: OW! I wasn’t ready for that! Okay, c’mon, book writing guy, try it now, let’s see what you —
SSL: Booth to the head. *crunch*
FG: OW! Hey, okay, now I’m ready, try —
SSL: Booth to the head. *crunch*
FG: Maybe I’ll just… consult this index…
SSL: Now, buyers, we can return our array of products…
Heckler: Pardon me, Mr. Long?
SSL: Yes, patron?
Heckler: Mr. Gruberman was not wholly wrong. I want to run a Con Booth, too.
SSL: Have you learned nothing from the lesson of FREd Gruberman?
Heckler: Yes, Mr. Long, I have learned two things. First, that the Index is a tool, only as good as the person who consults it.
SSL: Very good.
Heckler: And to get in the first shot! Booth to the head! *erk*
SSL: You failed to reason from effect.
Heckler: Ah… YEAH, well, I’ve got a date with a booth babe…
SSL: You, too, shall be honored to learn the nuances of the HERO system… Booth to the Head *crunch*.
Heckler: Aiighhh!
SSL: Can anyone tell what page to consult in this instance?
Heckler2: Yes, Master, we believe all that knowledge is contained in the Index.
SSL: Very good.
Heckler2: But not even you can consult it fast enough to deal with all of us at once! GET HIM, GUYS!
SSL: Booth *crunch* Booth to the *crunch* Booth *crunch* *crunch**crunch**crunch**crunch**crunch*
Hecklers: AAiiighh… ohh…
SSL: Let us now consult the index for Area of Effects…
